


Does It Ever Get Lonely Thinking You Could Live Without Me?

by Breakingthetide



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Grant Ward Feels, Grant Ward Redemption, I Will Go Down With This Ship, One True Pairing, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 17:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16391741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breakingthetide/pseuds/Breakingthetide
Summary: “No one ever told you what to do when love went away. It was always about capturing love, and keeping love. Not about watching it walk out the door to die alone rather than in your arms.”-Rene Denfeld, The Child Finder-No one has seen or heard from Grant Ward in years, so when Daisy Johnson stumbles upon him they turn each other's worlds upside down once more.Or the one where Daisy and Ward pretend not to love one another and chaos ensues.





	Does It Ever Get Lonely Thinking You Could Live Without Me?

**Author's Note:**

> For reference:
> 
> In this fic Ward disappeared after season 2 (when the writers snatched away the redemption arc they were clearly putting him on because they are stupid) and no one has heard from him since. He never ran Hydra, Coulson never killed him and he never became Hive. 
> 
>  
> 
> Everything from seasons 2-5 have already taken place, Ward just wasn't there for it. Though the only difference is the Framework didn't happen. Anyway enjoy!
> 
> This one is going to be a short one but full of angst like always. Feel free to comment!

 

Daisy Johnson walks into the small diner off the highway, welcomes the cool air as opposed to the sweltering heat outside. Takes off her sunglasses and heads to the nearest booth, searching the area for any sign of danger is second nature now. She doesn’t even have to think about doing it, it’s automatic, apart of her. There are only five other bodies in this small area, not including the waitress or cook. Checking her phone and answering a few emails, Daisy orders coffee and waits for Coulson.

 

He’s supposed to check in any minute now to inform if the package she just dropped off was a success or not. Having just got off a mission she’s exhausted, every single muscle and bone aching for a bed and pillow, but that’s a luxury that will just have to wait. Daisy doesn’t even complain about it anymore. The late nights and early morning workouts, the missions, the feel of a gun in her hand. It’s normal now, this is her life for better or worse.

 

Lance Hunter once said Shield was a job not a way of life. Daisy disagrees even more with him than she did back then. Shield is the only home she’s ever known, Fitzsimmons, May, Coulson, Mack and Yo-Yo are the family she’d been searching for her entire life. She tried living without them once and it backfired, distancing herself from the team just ended up hurting everyone involved. Even if she was grieving for losing Lincoln, he wouldn’t have wanted her to suffer like that.

 

Feeling the familiar burn in her chest Daisy checks her phone again, not wanting to spend her time chasing a ghost. Missing Lincoln is something that will always be there, almost like his death created another limb like an arm or a leg. It’s just there, her body has accepted it, it can be ignored sometimes. But it’s still apart of her, can’t be cut off or sewn back together. Throwing back the hot coffee she orders another, stacks containers of cream into a tower as she waits.

 

After fifteen minutes Coulson finally sends a message saying there was an issue but it’s being handled, to stand by and wait until he says otherwise. After Mace died last year Coulson became the Director again, a role that Daisy believes suits him better than anyone. Mack and Yo-Yo are partners both in the field and out, a few months ago Fitz and Simmons got married. It was a beautiful ceremony, Daisy watched her two best friends promise forever to one another. There wasn’t a dry eye to be found that day.

 

Even May and Coulson have something going on, though they’ll deny it when asked. Daisy is surrounded by people she loves every day but she’s never felt more alone. Ever since Lincoln died she’s felt out of sorts. Now that she thinks about it ever since Shield fell all that time ago, it’s like she and the team have been scrambling to get back what they once had before Hydra came out of the shadows. But they can’t no matter how hard each one of them tries.

 

They just have to face whatever new reality they live in now, a new challenge every day. Bitterness wedges in between her ribs, a bad taste fills her mouth at the thought of Hydra as it always does. But there’s a personal hatred for them and what they took from her. Before it can eat her alive Daisy downs a third cup of coffee, puts it in the back of her mind. No need to dwell on things she can’t change, the people she will never see again.

 

Something causes her to look up, instinct or just boredom. Whatever the reason Daisy nearly chokes on the coffee in her throat, disbelief and shock enters her in a rush of dark hair and a warm smile. She feels her face drain of color, her eyes widening. Grant Ward is sitting in a booth across from her by the windows, he’s facing away from her but she’d bet that wasn’t the case moments ago. Suddenly speechless, frozen, she can’t tear her gaze away.

 

Even when he does finally turn to meet her eyes, nothing on his face revealing any kind of surprise at seeing her. Daisy didn’t think she’d ever see him again. God when was the last time they saw each other? It’s been years. To fight off the panic dwelling inside she thinks back to two years ago, then three. It was nearly four years ago when Coulson recruited him to find her after Gordon took her to the Afterlife. Blinking back the memories of that tragedy, Daisy focuses on the one at hand.

 

If this were three years ago she would already be in his booth throwing harsh violent words his way, demanding he face justice for all the terrible ugly things he’s done. She would say she wasn’t sorry for leaving him for dead when she shot him, that she’d do it again and not lose any sleep. But that would be a lie. Putting four bullets in him felt good at the time, even a year or two afterwards. Now though? She’s so different from the girl he once trained, the one who looked at him with scalding hatred.

 

Back then she didn’t understand who he was or why he chose Garrett over everything. Daisy didn’t care. All she knew was that the man she trusted more than anyone betrayed her, tried to kill her best friends. The man who made her believe in Shield in the first place, the one who protected her even at the expense of his own life. Grant Ward shaped her into the agent she’s become, even though it’s been so long since he was in the picture, in her life, her arms.

 

Now she understands, she knows. He was brain washed into joining Hydra by a deranged psychopath who preyed on a child that didn’t know any better. Garrett took a fragile damaged little boy and turned him into a solider, only knowing one thing: to save his life no matter the cost. Killing people, betraying the only people who ever cared about him, no big deal. As long as John was alive at the end of the day Ward would have done whatever was asked of him.

 

Because he thought he was doing the right thing, Garrett made him believe their relationship, his behavior was normal and just. Which wasn’t the case, Daisy realized too late. Not for the first time she wonders if Grant ever reached that point, if he realized all the abuse that was done and dug himself out of it.  Became someone who survived without orders, someone who was able to redeem himself despite all the hurt and darkness inside.

 

A conversation she had with Coulson so long ago comes to mind.

_‘’That’s why he thought he could make me understand him’’._

_‘’Was he right?’’_

_‘’Probably’’._

 

Daisy is at a point where she can hope for that, that he’s happy. He deserves it more than anyone. That anger, resentment and bitterness doesn’t burn like it used to, if at all. Not everything that happened was his fault, she knows that now. Flashes of him come in waves as those whiskey eyes continue to pin her to this moment, this small second frozen in time. Ward with his smooth cheeks and strong hands as he taught her how to punch, shoot a gun.

 

His shy timid smile on the rare occasions she made him laugh. His face when she woke up from being shot, how relieved and happy he appeared when they locked eyes. All those afternoons spent on the Bus that didn’t seem like big moments at all between them, now suddenly feel suffocating as they crash into her. Ward’s body pressed into her own as they stood at the punching bag, his ever-watchful gaze when they were out in the field together.

 

How brave he always was, Daisy admired him so much. Who would they be now if he was never Hydra? Or if she forgave him sooner? Once upon a time they had something, it feels like a lifetime ago that his mouth was against her own. Supposes it is, they were different people then. Skye is gone, reduced to ashes that blew away in the breeze, Agent Grant Ward disappeared long before she ever did. Who is he now? What is his life like? Is he going to slip into her booth and reminisce on old times?

 

Does she want him to? Daisy could easily walk out of this place and act as if she never saw him. Could go on with her life without thinking twice about seeing him here. But her legs don’t move towards the door. Instead they carry her across the room to his table, his eyes on her the whole time. Before she knows it, she’s sitting across from him reminding her of the only other time they sat across from one another in a diner. Though his time isn’t tainted with lies and false pretenses.

 

They’re not pretending to be someone they aren’t. He isn’t holding onto the hope that somehow he can make it out of this unscathed, that she will not hate him when the world comes burning down.

 

Daisy observes the man who once meant so much to her. He looks the exact same as he did four years ago. Soft dark hair though a little longer, stubble on the cheekbones that could cut glass, still tall and strong seeming to take up the entire space they’re occupying. God it’s been so long. Words she wants to say get stuck in her teeth, hands start shaking. Is she nervous? Why? He can’t do anything to her, she’s too powerful for that. Can she even count on the promise of him never hurting her though?

 

He could be a stranger now, she has no idea what he’s capable of. His face comes into view, a memory she tries to block but it pushes forward regardless. How desperately he wanted her to believe the truth, that he wasn’t the monster she started to think he was.

 

_‘’I would never hurt you’’._

Physically he never did, but emotionally? That’s all he ever seemed to do. A few years ago, she mourned for all the things he made her lose. Her faith in him, in herself at being an agent for not seeing the wolf in sheep’s clothing, for him destroying whatever spark was between them. It doesn’t touch her like it used to, now looking at Ward all she feels is regret. Regret for not treating him better, for not saving him. There’s warmth unfurling in her chest at the sight of him again after so long. It’s ignored.

 

‘’Ward’’.

He takes a sip from his glass of water, ‘’what are you doing here?’’

‘’Could ask you the same question’’.

He doesn’t look amused as he once would have at her comment.

‘’Just passing through’’.

His tone though blank sends a rush through her blood that she hasn’t felt since the last time they spoke.

‘’Oh’’.

He drinks her in, the long hair again though darker, her plain dark clothes. There hasn’t been much color to her life or wardrobe in years.

Can he see the shadows in her eyes?

Does he want to know what demons she’s seen since they parted last?

Does she want him to know, does he care?

‘’Your hair is long again’’.

She strokes the strands, ‘’yeah’’.

He never saw her with short hair, never saw a lot of things that happened.

Ward keeps studying her in that way of his like he’s able to see right through her.

‘’It’s been a long time’’. Daisy starts, checking to make sure just in case the gun is still safely secured to her hip.

Ward of course knows it’s there as well, he too as a gun on his person.

‘’Four years’’. Her replies taking another sip of water.

‘’And before you can ask, I’ve been up to all kinds of horrible disgusting things since you saw me’’.

His tone takes that sarcastic edge to it, which she doesn’t bite.

‘’No you haven’t’’.

His jaw ticks in an almost satisfied smile, ‘’and how would you know that?’’

‘’Because I’m a Shield agent, I would know if you were back on our radar’’.

‘’Ah, Coulson still wants me back in Vault D I see’’.

‘’Can you blame him?’’

 

It’s actually been a long time since the subject of Grant Ward was ever brought up with Phil, Daisy has no idea his opinion on it anymore. If he wants the other man dead or not, if locking him up would even be a good idea, if Coulson just wants to forget about his existence altogether and pretend the nightmare that was Ward never happened. Daisy remembers overhearing Phil’s conversation with May about a phone call between he and Ward after the mission in Alaska where he went with to save Lincoln and Mike.

 

Ward apparently told Coulson there wasn’t enough good left inside him. May agreed, Phil seemed as if he was on the fence. That’s the last time as far as she knows that Grant was ever brought up. Being so close to him Daisy has this sudden desire to know what he’s been up to, if he found that goodness inside himself that his family and Garrett didn’t snuff out.  Daisy knows it’s there, has been all along, he just didn’t see it no one did until it was too late.

 

Grant doesn’t blink as he responds, ‘’guess not’’.

‘’For the record just so you don’t cause a scene, Shield isn’t looking for you’’.

‘’What a relief’’.

There’s something about him that she can’t put her finger on, something is different.

He doesn’t seem as sad as he used to, the darkness that’s now in her eyes is not in his, the roles have switched.

When did that happen?

How did he become so comfortable in his skin when most days she can’t stand to look in the mirror?

‘’I could always tell him I saw you. But I won’t’’.

He arches one brow, a move she’s always been jealous of. ‘’Why not?’’

She shrugs, ‘’it’s not like anything will come from it. What happened with you was so long ago, we’ve moved on’’.

His face remains impassive. ‘’Good’’.

Whatever role he’s playing she’s not amused by it. Or maybe it’s not a role at all, perhaps he doesn’t know how to act around her if he’s not desperately trying to make her believe he’s not evil reincarnated.

‘’You’re different’’. Ward observes, whiskey eyes drinking her in as if he’s trying to memorize every detail.

‘’So are you’’.

He shakes his head, ‘’no it’s the lifestyle, Shield will do that to you. Rip you apart, mold you until you no longer recognize yourself’’.

Her defenses rise, ‘’I think you’re confusing Shield with John Garrett’’.

He shows no sign that she’s stepping on sensitive ground, but they both know she is.

‘’I’m not. But whatever you say right? You’re the righteous one and I’m Satan in a leather jacket’’.

She stares. Finds her voice after a beat, ‘’did you just refer to yourself as Satan?’’

‘’You and Shield were the ones who treated me like I was’’. He fires back.

‘’How did you expect us to react Ward? You betrayed us’’.

‘’I’m aware, I was there’’.

‘’You destroyed everything’’.

He sighs and looks out the window, ‘’I’m not doing this with you’’.

Licking her lips Daisy sighs as well, the waitress comes over to refill Ward’s water and get her a fresh cup of coffee.

Her emotions are all over the place, Grant puts her off balance. Which is what she’s going to blame for what she says next.

 

‘’Are you still in love with me?’’

This time he does show a reaction but not one she was expecting.

He chuckles. He actually laughs at her.

‘’Excuse me?’’

Daisy crosses her arms, ‘’you heard me’’.

Grant sobers up, ‘’I never told you I loved you’’.

‘’You didn’t have to’’.

With Ward she’s learned that actions speak louder than words.

But she can admit it now at least to herself all these years later, she loved him.

He’s clenching his jaw, humor gone now he just looks pissed off.

‘’What do you want from me?’’

Honestly, she has no answer for that but she never gets the chance come up with one anyway.

‘’Sorry I’m late the traffic was terrible!’’

 

Daisy looks up to find a blonde woman coming towards them with perfectly bleached white teeth and tan skin, bright blue eyes that remind her of Lincoln for a moment it hurts. A pale pink dress hugs her delicate frame, if Daisy had to guess age she’s probably in her late twenties, very early thirties. The woman completely ignores her and sits in the seat next to Grant with a blinding smile on her face. Daisy watches his reaction closely; his expression softens when meets her ocean eyes.

 

Shocking her even more, this stranger wraps an arm around his shoulders and kisses him quickly. Daisy’s first thought is that she must be an actor but then tosses that idea aside. Ward had no idea Daisy would be here, besides he wouldn’t stoop that low. After all he did promise to never lie to her again. The woman leans back and swipes her fingers across Grant’s lips, wiping away the traces of lipstick. Daisy has only seen the expression Ward is currently wearing twice.

 

Once when they kissed in that storage closet all that time ago, and second when they kissed at Providence. He looks smitten, like he can’t believe someone like this person is willingly touching him, showing him affection. For reasons she doesn’t understand Daisy’s stomach rolls at the scene playing out before her. A selfish thought that has no right to be there but makes an appearance anyway, she never thought he’d look at anyone else like that. That it was reserved for her and only her.

 

Jealously begins to slowly whisper against her skull. Which is ridiculous she and Ward were over before anything ever really started. They’ve moved on, she still loves Lincoln and Grant has clearly met someone else. The blonde woman pulls her attention away from him and finally looks at her, smile dimming a bit. Daisy knows what she sees: someone who’s had a hard life, who’s lost so much. Blood stained skin that no matter how many times she scrubs with soap and water it’ll never come off.

 

‘’Darling who is this?’’

Ward tucks her close to his side and answers, ‘’we used to work together. Lydia this is Skye’’.

The sound of her old name tumbling from his lips nearly makes her sigh, almost causes tears to fill her eyes.

‘’It’s Daisy’’.

 

Ward cocks his head to the side in confusion for a moment. He wasn’t around when she became Daisy, wasn’t there when her mother tried to kill her and her father in order to save her life, had to murder the only woman he’s ever loved. He wasn’t present when she sent Cal through Tahiti, when she lost her parents after having just found them. The entire reason she joined Shield in the first place. Ward wasn’t there as Lincoln said her name for the last time, wasn’t there when she lost herself for six months afterwards.

 

‘’Well then. Lydia this is Daisy, we worked together years ago. Daisy this is my fiancée Lydia’’.

If she were drinking something she’d have choked.

Lydia smiles widely and thrusts her hand in front of Daisy’s face, showing off the enormous diamond ring on her finger.

She has no idea what face she’s making but it’s obvious Grant doesn’t like it, he gently pulls Lydia’s hand away and scowls.

‘’Oh I bet you have so many stories to tell about this one!’’ Lydia tells her, playfully jabbing Ward in the shoulder. Oblivious to the tension between the pair.

Daisy bites the inside of her cheek, ‘’you have no idea’’.

Grant glares at her, ‘’well this has been fun but we have somewhere to be’’.

He rises from the booth and gestures for Lydia to do the same, she smiles at Daisy before stepping out.

‘’It was so great meeting you Daisy! I’ve never met any of Grant’s friends’’.

‘’We’re not friends’’. He snaps, his carefully controlled façade beginning to slip on purpose no doubt.

He wants to make it clear that Daisy is not welcome in his life anymore, that she never really was.

She’s not expecting that to hurt so much.

 

Lydia waves once more before they’re out the door and Daisy is alone. Watches the couple step into a black SUV, Grant has sunglasses on so she can’t tell if he meets her stare through the window. Daisy watches until they’re out of sight, surprised to feel tears drip down her face. He’s engaged. Grant Ward is engaged. He actually got down on one knee for that woman and promised her forever. He loves her that much, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Someone wants the same with him.

 

Only one thought keeps repeating over and over;

 

If things were different, could she be in Lydia’s place? Ward’s ring on her finger, love for her in his eyes. Would they have made it if she understood him sooner, if she didn’t give up on him so quickly?

 

Guess she’ll never know.

 


End file.
